Chocolate, mint gum, and white cheddar popcorn.

I got my first smartphone yesterday. I wonder if my raging headache has anything to do with the fact that I've been dinking around on it all day. It's a nifty little thingamajigger. My friends all convinced me to get an Instagram,  a Snapchat, and a Pinterest. That's lovely. Now I'm slightly more normal in terms of my teenagerness. :P

Tomorrow,  my friend is going to be gone from school because her homophobic grandpa died. It's going to be amazing staying mildly sane without her around.  What?  I'm not dependent on her for the majority of my sanity or anything. //sarcasm over//

♡ - Madame Jellyfish

2spooky4me

Weird shit's going down. A few years ago, in the town where I live, this eleven-year-old girl was strangled to death by her psychotic mother during a schizoid breakdown. Yesterday, in the cemetery, my friend was there standing next to her grave after a wake for her grandfather. The girl asked her if she'd seen her mother, and then said that her name was the same name as the girl who'd been strangled. Later, my friend was taking a picture of the woods around the cemetery because she wanted a picture of this really cool tree, and when she took the picture, the girl had been in the picture. When she showed us the picture today, the girl wasn't in it. Either my friend is bat-shit crazy, or this town has some paranormal stuff going on. I'm willing to accept either answer.

Surprisingly, today was an eight out of ten, which is really fucking good, considering the fact that most days are anywhere between a two and a six. No one has pissed me off, except for last night, when some asshole was being an obnoxious prick about something that shouldn't even be an issue. Nothing bad happened today, so that's pretty great.

♥ ~ Madame Jellyfish

[insert a clever title here]

So I had my psychologist appointment today. We established that I more than likely have OCD, and that the depression roller-coaster needs to be monitored because we don't want it to hit a low point and then have me bottom out at the low point. So, yeah. That's grand. My next appointment is next Tuesday... at 2:30, which is before school ends, so my dad's going to have to pull me out of school before fifth period is over, yadda yadda yadda.

Nothing of note really happened today. My ex-girlfriend brought me a bunch of Girl Scout cookies last night because my mom wanted cookies and we happened to have $20 available for cookie-related purchases. I find it funny that even though she hates being in the Girl Scouts, she's still doing it after seven years. I mean, she was just telling me yesterday that she hates that the older Girl Scouts have to have sex appeal in order to sell cookies to the point where her mom was telling her to show a bit more cleavage when boys and men came over to wherever she was selling the cookies. The little seventh-grade Girl Scouts can still get away with being cute, but she's FOURTEEN. She's not supposed to have fucking sex appeal. *steps off of soap box* Okay, I'm cool now...

So yeah. Things are pretty normal. Err... about as normal as they can get when you have more than two mental illnesses at once. xD

~ Madame Jellyfish

I suppose introductions are in order.

Today, I'm doing something that I have never done before: I'm posting my thoughts on the Internet without the fear of someone telling me that I'm wrong. But before I get started on that, I suppose that there are a few things that I need to get out of the way first, for both my sake and for the sake of anyone who's reading this.

Call me Madame Jellyfish, though I'm not actually a jellyfish. Quite the opposite, actually. In reality, I am a fifteen-year-old human female. I'm red-haired and bespectacled, and rather short by the standards of most people, sitting at a comfortable 5'2". I consider myself to be a geek in the realms of science-fiction and history, and I am a music aficionado. I play the bass, write stories, and attempt to make sense of the world around me the best I can. But the reason why I'm here is far more important than anything in relation to that. I'm here because I'm depressed. And obsessive-compulsive. And a sociopath. I need to get it out of my system in any way that I can, and a close friend suggested that I start a blog. So... here we are.

I can deal with the fact that I go nuts whenever I step on a crack in the road. I can deal with the fact that I have the uncontrollable and irresistible urge to rearrange things like the kitchen cabinets, the refrigerator, the shelves of movies, and the silverware drawer to be absolutely perfect. I can deal with the fact that sometimes I lie to my real-life friends just for the hell of it. What I can't deal with is the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that I feel far too often. I can't deal with the fact that I often consider how easy it would be to walk out into the middle of traffic on my way home from Hell school. I can't deal with the fact that I often wonder what would happen if I got the guts to slash my wrists out. I need an outlet, so here we are. I finally have a decent, reliable outlet.

I'm going to try to write daily. If I don't update daily, I'll still update more than once a week. If you can't handle cynicism, morbidity, dark humor, and idle contemplation of existence, this is probably not the place for you to be.

Peace,
Madame Jellyfish