This is a title, I guess.

I managed to sleep for eight hours last night, and I still feel like I am dead tired. My eyes feel like somebody forcibly held them open all night and now they're dry and itchy. I tried waking myself up with coffee and a hot shower. Alas, nothing's working, so I guess today is just going to be one of those days where I'm not fully awake until I go to bed. That seems to be happening a lot more lately. I don't understand why depression has to be so tiring. There are other things I'd like to do than be lethargic and unmotivated all day.

People have started commenting on my Instagram pictures that I look tired and sad, even though in all of my pictures I'm either smirking or fully smiling. I guess that they're all starting to see through the veil that I've been putting up for years. The best picture that I got yesterday just had to be plagued by how tired I am. I don't think it's nice to tell someone they look tired, considering that someone who looks tired generally looks like shit. But that's just my opinion.

I've been thinking about Alyssa a lot today. For those of you who don't know, Alyssa is a girl whom I used to date online. She was a sweetheart, and she put up with all of the things that are wrong with me because she loved me. As it turned out, Joey (the one I "swore" I'd never bring up again) was the one who created her and used her as one of his three online aliases, only one of which was actually him. Talk about traumatizing. I spent three months worrying about this girl who was depressed and suicidal, and then he told me that all of it had been for naught. That's beyond unfair, but who ever said that life is fair? Life may be strange, but life has never been fair to me. To get back to the point, I've been thinking about her a lot today. I always think about her after a night when I have a fitful sleep. Not sleeping reminds me of the nights when I only got three or four hours because I was so worried for her safety. I guess today is just going to be one of those shitty days where I'm not going to feel great no matter what I do or think.

♥ ~ Madame Jellyfish