I feel like the longer I live, the faster time goes by. A moment ago, it was September. I was fourteen, I had a girlfriend, and I was fresh to my high school. I was taking St. John's wort, and for the most part, I was feeling good. Then I blinked, and I was fifteen, severely depressed, and feeling lonelier and more pathetic than ever before. Time is moving without me, and every day is passing me by like a Ferrari without a braking system. I so easily fall in and out of my own timeline that I'm not 100% certain that I'm actually among the living. For all I know, I could've died months ago and no one bothered to tell me, so my ghost took over full-time. If that's the case, I'm not surprised that I ended up dying in my hoodie.
Where is all of this time going? In six months, I went from a happy-go-lucky weirdo with rainbow suspenders, big ambitions, and an inkling of confidence in myself to an apathetic masochist who's impressed if she manages to wake up in the morning. How does this kind of thing even happen? I don't understand how it's possible to lose track of so much time. I've hit the end of this road, and I don't even remember where I took a wrong turn. I've hit this dead end, and I don't know how I got here. There's nowhere I can go. I can't retrace steps that I don't even remember taking. Have I just come out of a coma and all of these things I remember are mere dreams? Am I still comatose?
I wonder if I'm the only person who wonders about this and asks themselves where all of this time is disappearing off to. I wonder if I'm the only person who feels like they've been in a vegetative state for so long and dreamed their living nightmares. Maybe I'm just crazy.
- Madame Jellyfish
It's perfectly normal to think you're going crazy. As for how time goes by, there's a few ways to combat that. Especially when you do the same thing everyday and don't change up your routine at all, that will definitely cause you to lose track of time. All the days start to blur together and you forget where in time you were.
ReplyDeleteBeing in school kind of makes it impossible to throw off my routine. Hell, I even have a routine on the weekends: wake up, eat, stare at the wall, eat, stare at my phone, eat, then go to bed. :/
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